You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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