If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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