forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
