he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He better not be in your backpack
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
