Don't you send me to vm
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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