Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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