Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
