I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
