your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
