Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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