I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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