I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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