This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
