you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
