Don't you send me to vm
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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