Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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