Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
