Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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