Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
