Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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