my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
