I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
