If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
