I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
