hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
It's no shave November. This is our time.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize