why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
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and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
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We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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