Your dad touched me again.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
