dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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