Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
