I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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