I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize