dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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