OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Your dad touched me again.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
