Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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