I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Randomize
