Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
