Christians are straight up FREAKS
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
