Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
