Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You have to summon your inner elephant
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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