I look better un-naked...
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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