I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
one might say we're banned from that church
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
