This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
