hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Randomize
