Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
