how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
