somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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