go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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