My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I need to stop coming to work sober
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I could fuck to npr.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
