i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
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Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
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And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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