Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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