So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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