My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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