After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
