just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
