enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
