You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
