I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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