so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
