i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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