So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Randomize
