my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
