I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
