jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
