I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
