I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I touched a dick in church today
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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