apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
