the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
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I need you to use more vowels.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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