Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
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