he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
