my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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