Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
