everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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