The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
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My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
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Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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