Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
