You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
