what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
