I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
