Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
