Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
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