his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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