wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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