I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
