my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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