"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Never joke about your clitoris.
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