why didn't you poke me back
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
